Texas Chili Cookoff

 Chelsey read this story to us that was sent to her a while back. We were laughing so hard we were crying. There are a few instances of choice language so read at your own risk:

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s***-faced from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.


CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bol d vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch h*** in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the
chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

Quarter Century

As my dear friend Court would say, "I'm having a quarter-life crisis!" It seems kinda crazy to already be 25 years old! I know, I know, I'm still young, but it still feels weird, ok?!

This year I wanted to keep my birthday low-key, but I was still so grateful for all the love my friends and family showed me for my special 2-5.

 This was as far as I got into my sundae. I can't believe how decadent those things are!

On Wednesday night, Jer and I drove up to Salt Lake to see Katie's show at Highland, "New York State Of Mind" which was so awesome and enjoyable. Well-worth the drive. Afterwards, Dave treated us to Leatherbys and they gave me my birthday gift: A piggy bank filled with quarters, because I'm a quarter century of course!

 On Saturday morning, Jer got up early and got our Bountiful Basket for us so I could sleep in on my birthday and then surprised me by inviting some of our friends that live nearby to have doughnuts (my favorite!) He had gotten me some beautiful flowers and a cute balloon. He also got me some cute cases for my new iphone 5 (part birthday/Christmas present from Jer and my parents), and a Roku, a device that will stream Netflix onto the TV.

 This is the card he got me, he was quite proud of it. The inside says, "I've been itching to wish you a happy birthday." Oh, my husband.

 Sweet Chelsie and Katie took me out to Milagros for lunch. These are my dinner group buddies. It has been so fun to get together each week with these ladies and their hubbies. Thanks girls!

After lunch Jer and I went to Les Mis at Thanksgiving Point. It was an awesome movie. A must-see.

After the movie we met up with Court, Eric and the kiddos to grab some dinner. Afterwards there was a cake, balloons and a gift waiting for me. The Breadys are our very best friends and we have been so blessed to have them in our lives. Court has been so sweet to make me my favorite birthday cake for two of the 3 birthdays since we have known them. Ever since we met, our favorite thing to do together is play games, so that's exactly what I wanted to do for my birthday. We played Ticket to Ride and of course, our usual, Settlers of Catan.

I got lots of phone calls and sweet messages from family and friends and felt very loved. Thank you so much again to everyone who thought of me, it was a very special and fun day.

A Farewell and a Funeral

Well this past week has been a hard one, I guess not every day can be sunshine-y, (as evidenced by the HUGE snowstorm last weekend.)

Jer's grandpa Pendleton passed away this past week and we were able to spend some wonderful time with the Pendleton side of the family, and as was said at the funeral, Grandpa's death really brought the family together in a way nothing else could.

 Got to spend time with great grandpup Fin (cousin Jeff's puppy.)

 Sweet grandma with sleeping Fin.

 It was a very snowy day at the funeral but the Marines came out anyway. It was a wonderful service.

 Pendleton cousins shooting hoops. Susie is making sure Jer doesn't blow out his knee again. (Thanks Suze!)

 Pendleton ping-pong championship. Finalists: Jeff...

 Applause.

 And Bob.

 And the winner is......

 Jeff!! We had lots of fun watching ping pong, eating (of course) and watching Bernie at the end of the night.

We found so much snow when we woke up the next morning. It took the guys a long time to clear the driveway and walk.

From the second I started dating Jeremy, I felt accepted by the Pendletons. They have always made me feel included and comfortable. I'm grateful for the time we were able to spend with them this week even if it was for a sad occasion.

 On Sunday, Katie had her farewell in Kaysville. She gave a beautiful talk on charity. I love how Katie is always herself no matter what and that her 'self' is such a kind, selfless, charitable human being. Her topic was perfect for her. (Above is a picture of us at the gathering after her talk just being our normal silly selves.)

 Here's Jer with his 3 wonderful Grandmothers. How lucky we are to have these women in our lives. Left to right: Grandma Pendleton, Grandma Barton, Nanny Woodland.

 

After the farewell I was wiped out for some reason and fell asleep for 2 hours! Jer offered to make me some dinner because I was just not excited about cooking. What a sweetie.

 On Monday night I made my MIL's taco soup recipe, perfect for a chilly FHE dinner.

 After dinner and The Bachelor (of course) I cozied up in my bed with a good book (Reached), a warm blanket, and some hot herbal tea. It was the best and just what I needed. (Oh and did I mention I LOVE not having homework? ;o))

 This morning as I was leaving to go teach, I found this on our car. It made my day. I have such a wonderful friend and neighbor in Katie. She is so loyal and kind and always willing to talk when I need it.

In other news:

I quit my job at Sexy Modest and I couldn't be happier. It was not the best situation for me and I'm glad to have freed myself from it.

As some of you may have noticed, I am no longer on Facebook. If you are still interested in my life, I guess you are reading this now. :o) so check back here for updates on what is going on in the Pendleton home.

Jer and I experienced many challenges in 2012 and as you may have guessed, those challenges don't stop with the start of the New Year. As we have reflected upon all the things we have been through, we can't help but notice how grateful we are for those trials because they have brought us so much closer to each other and our Savior. We have been able to better recognize the blessings in our lives and the people who love and care for us.

Houston Holiday Fun

After Hawaii, Jer and I were able to spend some time with my family.

 First stop was to do some after Christmas shopping.

 Retail therapy.

 

Girls night at Rumbi.

 

And Nutcracker at the Capitol Theater!

 

Love Ballet West.

 New Years Eve was very mellow. I hung with the fam, ate hors d'ouvres and watched movies. Jer had to work that night and he made it home at 11:58! Just in time ring in 2013!

 We also had to do some cleaning and unpacking. Here Jer is sporting his new clothes during our power clean.

 We got to spend lots of time with the sisses. We went on a double with Anna and her friend Isaac to the dollar theater.

 We also got to visit with friends. Look how big miss Harper is getting!

 Anna and I both have January birthdays so we all went out to our fave, Teppanyaki to celebrate early.

 B-day girls with gifts. :o) Anna: 18, Me: 25

 Mom, Dad, Anna

 Katie and Dave.

Birthday girls.

  

 And more Bready time! I don't know why I don't have any pics of little Beck! We sure love the Breadys though.

 I also got to babysit my favorite twinners. Grant being silly.

 Love these two!

 

Paigey let me do her hair!